This Is My Life
by flying turd
Summary: I was standing their in my bra and undies, frozen midway through a dance move, with salad on my face as three of the schools hottest hunks stared at me... Embarrasing, no?
1. train ride

I don't own the Harry potter characters…..but I do own the rest…SUK ON THAT ROWLING!

Ok, here is my story! My sis bettered it up.

…if you review I'll give you an imaginary lollypop.

**THE TRAIN RIDE**

So I was sitting in an empty compartment at the end of the train, minding my own business and reading my book, eating a chocolate bar and listening to my 'magical Discman', while swinging my feet in time with the spice girls (yes, spice girls, I know they didn't exist yet, but I went into the future and stole a copy), when out of the corner of my eye, I saw the compartment door slide open.

Just when I thought my friends Lily, Amy and Kate were coming to save me from my bordimnesnes (gotta love that word),

I see the marauders, as they call themselves, enter my compartment, acting as though I was not there.

I turned off my 'magical Discman' and decided to give a little cough, seeing they hadn't noticed me their.

"Ah Collins, what a wonderful surprise!" said James, his overly large head wobbling dangerously (not really, but you get the point)

"Don't mean to be rude but do you mind leaving this compartment? Seeing it's reserved for my friends." I said in a sickly sweet voice

"Oh how cute! She still believes in imaginary friends!" said Sirius, him and the rest of them snickering at the joke, (except for Remus who decided not to join in the conversation.)

"Well actually, there not imaginary, and even if they were they still wouldn't be imaginary to me, seeing they'd be my friends and I'd actually think they were real" I said sticking my tongue out

"So how was your holiday Jemma?" asked Remus joining into the conversation

"Not bad, and yours?" I said, making sure that it was obvious that I was being nice to him and not the others.

"Pretty good I guess" answered Remus politely.

They had all taken a seat, Sirius making sure his stinky feet were near my face.

"People, people! I said that you can't sit in here, so can you please leave before I chuck an unidentified object at someone's head!" I said, an evil grin spreading across my face

"You wouldn't chuck anything at my head, Collins. You'd be too scared to ruin my beautiful face." said Sirius winking.

"Actually, I'd be too scared to ruin my beautiful object." I said putting my book down.

"Man, my eyes hurt!" said James looking at me.

"Aw, I'm not really that ugly, am I?" I asked, pouting

"Yes." James replied without hesitation.

"Bitch." I whacked Sirius's foot, which was getting dangerously close to my nose. "Sirius, get your hairy hobbit feet away from me."

"Um… no."

There was an awkward silence, and then I started gagging. "Oh _hell_ no! You did _not_ just do that!" I spat, and started wiping my tongue.

"_Right _you! That was the last friggin straw!" furiously, I grabbed the nearest object and chucked it as hard as I could.

"Ouchie! Man, that _kills!_" Sirius grabbed his head, rubbing his nose furiously.

"I _told_ you I knew how to throw things!" I said, flicking my hair triumphantly. Mid flick, I noticed there was something wrong. "Oh _no!_ You broke my CD cover you cow!

"Well, technically you-" Remus began, before

"My poor, beautiful, innocent CD cover! What did it ever do to you?"

"Collins, it's a common fact around the school that you have problems, but do you really need to flaunt it?" James asked.

Jemma stopped her rant immediately. "Fine. Then get out of my compartment, before I start throwing _unbreakable_ objects around.

"Well that's too bad, we don't want to go_OWCH! _Bloody _hell_ woman! _What _is your problem?" Sirius rubbed a reddening circle on his forehead, as Jemma caught a big, yellow bouncy-ball.

"Oi, that one was uncalled for." James said defensively, though he was grinning nonetheless. Sirius seemed didn't seem to notice that his friends were actually enjoying this.

"Exactly! I didn't do anything!" Sirius dropped his hand from the big red mark and glared at me.

"Yes you did" I said.

"Really? And what exactly have I done to insult the princess this time?"

"You talked. Directly to me. Guards! Take him away!" and with a flourish of my hand, I put 'Mr. Smiley Face', aka the yellow bouncy ball, away.

Remus laughed. "Oh no, you insulted the Almighty! Run while you still can!"

"Excuse me! _I _am the Lord of this school. Some petty chick with Spattergroit is _not_ going to tell me what to do!"

"Well excuses m- …say what?"

Sirius grinned. "Spattergroit."

"What the hell is that?" ok, now I was seriously confused.

Sirius laughed. "Aah! 'Tis a most grievous affliction of the skin, young mistress, that will leave you pockmarked, in other words freckly, forever!"

James laughed as well. "The only known cure is to take a toad liver, tie it to your neck, and stand naked in a barrel full of eels eyes, at the full moon!"

Remus sniggered "Just make sure you don't come across any werewolves."

They all had a nice little laugh for a while, before the compartment door slid open again.

"Heya Jemma! Wuss happenin?" asked Amy flicking her straight blondish hair from her face to reveal her brown eyes.

"What are they doing in here?" Lily asked, before I could answer Amy's question (everyone knows what lily looks like, you no green eyes dark red hair blah blah blah yada yada yada.)

"Lily, babe, how are you?" said James winking, before I could answer _Lily's_ question

Lilly pretended she couldn't hear him.

"Ahem, I believe it's time you guys buggered off." I said, looking at James, Sirius and Remus pointedly.

"But we don't wanna lea-"

Sirius stopped halfway through his sentence for some unknown reason, and I caught Mr. Smily Face on the re-bounded. "Ha ha ha! Now your face is symmetrical." I said, as I watched him rub another red circle on the other side of his forehead.

"What was that for?" asked Remus, though he didn't look much like he minded.

"Because his head is too big. And he talked. Directly to me. Again." I said, acting superior to the world.

"Man this compartments boooring." Tapeworm (aka peter) whined. And as James, Sirius and Remus didn't want him to get into one of his crappy, whinny moods, they left.

Lilly, Kate and Amy entered. They sat down. And put their bags Away.

"What was that all about?" asked Kate

"Oh, they randomly decided to have a conversation with me" I replied, "Them and their stupid fat heads, decided I wouldn't care if they soiled my compartment with their presence."

"Sounds fun." said Lily sarcastically

So our little conversation went on for another 20 minuets, before Lily stared ranting on about how James had a big fat head and how he needed to get a life and so on and so forth. She says she hates him, but anyone with half a brain can see that she's completely in for the guy.

"He is _soo_ big headed. I swear, if his head was any bigger, he would overbalance and fall down!" Lilly was getting slightly red in the face now. "I mean I know he's kinda good looking, what with his messy jet black hair, and warm brown eyes that sparkle with mischief. And that cute little dimple he gets under his right eye whenever he smiles…"

She was silent after this. Amy, Kate and I looked at each other, and then quickly looked away, trying not to laugh.

_**Hope you liked..**_

_**REVIEW!**_


	2. cockroach!

**_Here the second chap! I hope it's good, please review._**

**COCKROACH!**

The feast had just finished, and my friends and I went up to our dorms for the first time since we arrived at Hogwarts.

"Oh, classes are going to be hell tomorrow. I checked our timetable and it says double History, double Potions, Transfiguration and Divination. I guess we can just have a nap in that last one though." I pulled on my light blue Pajama pants with the fluffy little sheep on it.

"Hahaha I dropped it this year!" Lily said while dancing around the room and trying to put her pajama pants on. Needless to say, she fell over.

After we had all changed, I grabbed a giant packet of Bertie Botts ever flavor beans, and everyone gathered onto Amy's bed.

Lily was still annoyed at James, at dinner he had asked her out about fifty-six million times.

"God, doesn't he get that no means, _no!_" Lily said, pulling her hair with frustration.

"You know what I hate? I hate those stupid Black and Potter fan clubs." Amy said, grabbing her pillow and strangling it.

"Hmph! bloody bimbo's! _ohhh Sirius can I have your babies? James can I go out with you and wipe your butt? Sirius! Sirius, can I lick your shoe Sirius?_" I said, impersonating the girls from the fan clubs.

"I gotta admit, Sirius is really _really_ good looking, and James is pretty cute too. Plus, he's _great _on a broom!" Kate got a slightly glazed look in her eye.

Lilly threw a pillow at her. It missed and fell on the floor.

"Well, I think Remus is by far, the hotterestest, and the smartest, and the only one I'd _ever _ go out with" I said smiling, even though if Sirius ever asked me out, I would go with him too, I didn't want my friends to know this.

"Ohhh, that Ravenclaw quidditch captain, he's alright too. When he does that spinny thing in the air… mmm, so hot…" Amy began giggling uncontrollably. She always giggled. Giggle, giggle, giggle. I don't think I've ever heard her laugh, just giggle.

"I'm hot!" I said, smirking as I flicked my hair

"Are you still scared of mirrors Jem?" Kate asked, looking concerned. She had beautiful long brown curls, and dark brown eyes that matched exactly, so she had no reason to be scared of mirrors. I wish my hair matched my eyes. But then I guess I would have light blue hair, so…

"Yes." I said warily. But seriously though, mirrors. So… very… freaky…

All of them were laughing whilst I tried to look hurt, but I couldn't resist laughing myself.

"At least she's not scared of the Wiggles." Lily said, after recovering from her giggling fit.

"Actually, I'm pretty scared of the wiggles too. That guy in the yellow…" I shuddered. "And every time they wake up Jeff… the stuff of nightmares."

"Holy shit! Amy, _BEHIND YOU!_" lily screamed.

Amy turned around slowly…

"COCKROACH!" Kate squealed, and we all scrambled to the other side of the room. Not knowing what to do, not knowing how to deal, we just shrieked or heads off, hoping that the cockroach which was heading towards us, would simply fall down and die. Unfortunately, we had no such luck.

Suddenly the door swung open, and Remus, James and Sirius enter the dormitory.

We stopped screaming, looked at them, and then started screaming again.

James winced. "What the bloody hell happened here?" he asked.

Yes, it must have been an interesting thing to see. Four squealing girls, huddled in the corner of a room, apparently scared out of their wits by nothing.

"COCKROACH!" yelled Lily pointing to the wall opposite us

Sirius laughed "A cockroach! _That's_ what all this commotion is about? Geez we could hear you from miles away! You'd have thought Peter was running around naked again!"

Remus pulled out his wand, and muttered a few words and the cockroach fell on the bed.

"Take it AWAAAAY" I said dramatically, as I inched my way towards the bed, the other girls stayed were they were.

Sirius walked over to the bed and picked it up.

He looked and me and then at the cockroach, and then at me, and then at the cockroach.

He walked over to me.

"Oh my god Sirius, don't you _dare!"_

Sirius just smiled and continued walking towards me.

"Sirius… don't, Sirius! Please! Get it away from me! AAHH! Noo! Please! Eeew! Ew. Ew. Ew. LILLY! SOMEONE! HELP! "

And then what does the little bastard do? He _stuffs the bloody thing DOWN-MY-SHIRT!_

"AAARGH!" I yelled "It's going to EAT ME! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

This must have been really funny, coz I was kinda doing this dance and tugging the bottom of my top.

I finally saw the cockroach drop to the floor.

"Sirius you idiot! It could have given me a disease! I could have _died! _Stop laughing at me!" My face went red with anger.

"You… Looked... like a… dancing… hippo" said James as he gasped for air.

"Well… someone hurry up and pick the cockroach up!" said Kate as she stamped her foot, even though she was trying to hold back her laughter.

Remus, the only one of the three boys who wasn't on the floor rolling around, but yes, still laughing, picked the horrid creature up.

"Hey, before you guys go. Um how did you get up here, in the 'girls' dormitories?" asked Amy as she recovered from her giggles.

"Ahh, Anderson, that's our little secret!" James said as he added a wink.

"Good night ladies!" Remus said as he waved, Sirius still laughing his stupid little head off.

"My brain needs food guys." I said rubbing my tummy.

"Yea and I need bed." Kate said yawning.

"And I need toilet." commented Amy as she walked over to the bathroom.

"Nighty night all!" Lily said as she jumped onto her bed.

So we all went to sleep.

Hope you liked, please review!


	3. detentions and pervs

_**DETENTIONS AND PERVS:**_

I woke up early that next morning. Every one else in the dorm was still asleep and I took this opportunity to take a nice long bath.

"Rubber duckie, you're the one…" I sang, splashing around in the tub with my dukie. "Rubber ducky, your… so much fun!"

"Hurry up in their you fat shower hog" said the voice of Amy.

"I'll be 5 minuets"

"3 minuets"

"No."

"Ok."

I quickly finished washing my hair, turned the water off, put on my undies, and exited the shower with my towel. Amy rushed past me.

I walked over towards Lily (she was still sleeping) and pulled her out of bed.

"Get up u lazy bum." I said

"No… s'too early." Lilly mumbled, hugging her pillow as if it could keep her in bed.

"Oh yes I can."

"Noooo! Don't harm me… look I'm getting up, I'm getting up." She cracked open an eye. "See? I'm all awake."

"Lils, no more late nights for you." Kate said

Kate, Amy, Lily and I headed out of the Gryffindor tower towards the great hall. Just as we climbed out the portrait hole, me and my clumsinesnes tripped over and landed on my ass.

"Ow…" I said rubbing my butt

"Oh you stupid girl, you messed your hair up!" said Kate as she grabbed my hair and started to neaten it up.

"Ouch man, be gentle… like the birds, the wind and the water." I said. I pulled my wavy brown hair into a pony, and drifted off in a mysterious manner, mumbling to myself about wind.

"You're so weird Jem." Amy said, as she shook her head.

"Your face is weird." I said, rolling my eyes.

Our conversation went on like this until we reached the great hall.

"I want chocolate for breakfast! They _never_ have chocolate! Damn the friggen house elves and their friggen non-chocolate meals!" I said, as I attempted to stamp on the ground in frustration. I missed. And hit my other foot. Hard.

"Shit… that friggen kills." I said, hopping on one foot and rubbing the other.

"Jemma, when will you learn?" Kate said as she hit me on the back of my head.

I ate my breakfast quickly and headed to the history of magic classroom. I was the first their and so I decided to sit on the floor and read my book 'ime vlaka' some Chinese book or something. But I wasn't really reading I was just making fun of the funny words and letters.

"Watcha reading?" asked a voice (yes a voice..)

"I dunno some Spanish book or something" I answered as I looked up, who else it was but the evil cockroach stuffing down the back Sirius.

"I didn't know you could read!"

"I didn't know either, I'm learning new things every day"

"Sure are, so um anyways, you might wanna close your legs because-why are you threatening me with that evil little ball of yours?" he said looking scared.

"For looking up my skirt"

"I didn't mean to"

"Suure you didn't"

"But I didn't"

"uhu, yep"

"Bitch"

"Perv"

"Slut"

"Slut"

"Hey that's what – huh, I am not-"

"Hey Sirius, where were you at breakfast?" asked James as he walked over to his friend

"Outside" answered Sirius

"Why were you outside?' Remus asked

"Because I was"

I stopped listening to this conversation because it was lame and pointless and started reading my Italian book again. I was reading, 'I batata ine sto trabezi' when my friends skipped over.

"Hey where were you?" asked lily

"Here"

"Why?" asked Amy

"I'm not going to even bother to answer that question" I said

The bell rang for class.

God this is boring, eeewww! this girls skirt is soo short and she hasn't even bothered to actually sit on the dam skirt. I can see her undies. ew ew ew, dam bitch. why did she have to sit in front of me. I wonder how many fingers I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. yep, all there.

"And then the goblins won the case and …" said the history of teacher who's name I do not know.

Oh god I give up, I'm just going to sleep, it has more of a point than this class anyways.

"Jemma, Jeeemmaa, JEMMA" said Lilys voice

"Wha" I answered as I removed my head from my desk

"Teacher wants you" said lily

"Crap"

"Miss Collins, I expected better of you, falling asleep in class, 5 points from Gryffindor and a detention tomorrow night at seven" said the history teacher.

Lily and I exited the classroom towards the great hall for lunch.

"God, were in the sixth year and you still have naps in class" lily said as she shook her head.

"I had to close my eyes. the little voice in my head told me to"

"Oh, you are seriously the saddest person"

We entered the great hall, found Amy and Kate. Ate lunch. And set off to the dungeons for potions.

"My brain doesn't like potions" Amy quoted

"I need a facial for my back, ever since the cockroach attack, I swear there is bacne there now" I said in a grossed out voice

"Sure there is" said Lily

"Crap no, potions with the Slytherins…again" Kate said as she pouted

"Well, at least it's not 'Permanent' partners, like in charms. If you get stuck with an ass hole, that's it. too bad." I said shuddering as I remembered being partnered with this Huffelpuff guy that was total shitface, and somehow managed to catch my hair on fire, even though we were doing cheering charms.

We entered the dungeon and it was dark, and I no likie dark.

"Well, who wants to sit next to me?" asked Amy

"I will" I answered

We took a seat next to each other and started to talk, seeing the teacher wasn't here.

"Ew, Amy , that Slythering with the buckteeth is checking you out." I said.

"…is he cute?"

There was a slight pause.

"Buckteeth amy… buckteeth…"

"Oh, crap!"

Just then our bum-headed, evil, crappy, fuck-faced teacher entered. Professor Mole… Because he has a huge mole the size of Russia on his eyelid. But seriously, it's really big. He can't open his left eye because of it. He always squints at us lopsidedly. Its kinda gross actually.

Amy elbowed me. "Professor Mongoloid has come in!"

"Like I didn't notice mole-face enter! He's kinda hard to miss when he nocks you over with his protruding blemish. I swear, if it got any bigger, it would overcome his face."

"Miss Collins, would you kindly refrain from talking in my classroom?" the professor snapped at me.

"Sorry Professor Mole… galoid." Oopsies…

"Excuse me?" Uh-oh. Not good. "I was under the impression that my name was Mongoloid, _not _Molegaliod."

"Sorry Professor. I... umm… I suffer from… necrophilia … I mean… uh… dyslexia…"

"5 points from Ravenclaw!"…well then. I guess his mole really _is_ digging into his brain.

"Nice one" said a voice from behind me

I turned around to see James and Sirius smiling.

"Well it's not my fault he's such a mole" I said

"Miss Collins this is the second time I've had to talk to you this class, detention" said the mole

"Crap"

"Wow 2 detentions in one day, that's amazing" James said as he laughed.

"How fun for me!" I said sarcastically .

Class had ended. Yaaay.

"Jemma, that was a good cover up, dyslexia, wow." said Kate

"yea well I am the best aren't I" I said as I flicked my hair

"what do we have now?" Lily asked

"transfiguration" said Kate happily, she _loved_ transfiguration.

We walked to our next classroom and I thought to myself, no more detentions_ PLEASE!_

You people better liked that chapter because I broke my finger nail. And it really hurts. 


	4. foooooooood

_**MMMM FOOD:**_

I was in my dorm alone, reading my book, when I heard my roommates enter.

"You know what? I want to make my hair blonde, does anyone wanna help me?" Amy asked randomly.

"Uhh… Amy, your hair is already blonde." Kate pointed out.

"Yeah, I no, but I want it to be blonder, I don't like the brown streaky things in It." answered Amy rolling her eyes.

"I like the brownyness." said Lily.

"It makes you look smarter than you really are" I said, joining the conversation.

Amy grabbed a pillow and chucked it at my head. It missed.

…

"Must… eat… chocolate" I said "…Hey! Anyone wanna go o the kitchens with me?"

I had found the kitchens in the 1st year when I had gotten lost on my way to herbology. I thought the pear was cute, so I randomly tickled it. Lucky, eh?

"Me! Oh I wanna go!" said Lily as she wiggling her arm around in the air.

"Anyone else?" they were all ignoring me… again. So Lily and I left the dorm and headed towards the kitchen.

"Those house elves are so cute, I can't wait to see Bobo again!" said Lily excitedly.

"Mmmmm, food" I drooled. Then I grabbed Lily's sleeve and wiped the drool off my chin.

"Ewwww, gross! You sick monkey! Is that all you ever think about?

I was still drooling. Rolling her eyes, Lily tickled the pear, and we entered.

"Miss Lily Evens! Miss Jemma Collins!" squeaked a house elf. I think it was Bobo's sister, Meme.

"Meme, how are you?" asked Lilly

God I hated Lily when she's nice to people… creatures… yeah. It was just wrong. WRONG I TELL YOU!

"Meme is very good! Can I be offering you anything to eat?" asked the retarded house elf.

"Actually yea," I said enthusiastically. "How about a hot chocolate; four marshmallows inside, those scone-y things you gave me last time, a couple of chocolate éclairs, a slice of chocolate cake covered in chocolate syrup, and… some chocolate."

There was a slight pause as Meme looked expectantly at Lilly, who was staring at Jemma.

"… I'll just have a hot chocky… two marshmallows thanks…"

We left the kitchens with a tray full of food and headed back to the Gryffindor tower, where we walked around a corner and right into Sirius and James.

"Ah shit!" I had swerved to avoid collision, and now I was running around in a circle, trying to stop the tray from tipping.

"Sorry, m'ladies!" said Sirius , though he made no effort to try and help me. Neither did James, for that matter.

I finally had the tray under control, so I stopped running around.

We all just stared at each other for a bit.

"So…" James said.

Then, for no apparent reason, Sirius winked weirdly.

"Ah, no! My eyes burn, promise me you'll never wink again Sirius!" I said dramatically covering my eyes with my hands, and nearly losing the tray again.

"Ha! I told you that you looked gay when you did that Padfoot!" said James smiling smugly.

"Padfoot?" I asked, noticing that Lily was pretending that she didn't notice James standing there. In front of her.

"…I …don't … know…" said James as he ran his hands through his really…messy hair.

"Well, me and Lils here are gonna go to bed. Night all!" and then we walked away, leaving those two to their gay intentions… or not…

"Hey, it's like 5 pm. isn't it a bit early to sleep yet?" James asked, scratching the back of his head.

"Probably going to have a little _romp_ in the bedroom _together_… in their _lingerie… _"

We entered our dorms with our chocolaty food, when we saw Amy and Kate with salad on their faces.

"YAY" I screamed as I jumped onto the bed occupied by the green faced girls. "I _love_ facials." I randomly picked up a bottle of green face mask, smothered it everywhere, and put some cucumbers on my eyes.

"Is… is that the Spice girls I hear?" asked Lily as she looked around the room for a radio of some sort.

"Yu-hu, Amy put the volume full blast." said Kate.

"Hey Amy, Kate, you might wanna put your tops on sometime soon" said Lily.

"We don't want to ruin our tops!" Amy said, adjusting her bra a little.

So Lily and I started to get changed as well. (I ate the cucumbers that were on my eyes. Hey man, waste not, want not!)

I was just about to but my shorts on when my favorite spice girls song came on.

"Oh my god, _oh my god_, _OH MY GOOOOD!_ I LURVE THIS SONG!... dununununu…**_STOP RIGHT NOW, THANK-YOU VERY MUCH! I NEED SOMEBODY WITH A HUMAN TO-O-OUCH. HEY YOU ALWAYS ON THE RUN, GOTTA SLOW IT DOWN BABY, GOTTA HAVE SOME FU-U-U-UN"_** I sang in the loudest voice possible, dancing around on the bed, when _BAM! _The door burst open, to reveal three boys standing in the doorway. Yup, you've guessed it. The marauders (wormshit not included).

I was standing their in my bra and undies, my hands in the air, and a green face. Spice Girls was still going in the background.

"Err… hi?"

They all burst out into hysterical laughter.

"Can…I have…some …fun…with you…Collins?' asked Sirius through his laughter.

Ok, so now I was embarrassed. And when I get embarrassed, I get angry.**_ "…. POTTER, BLACK, LUPIN, YOU GUYS ARE ALL GOIN TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE" _**I screamed my head off like a banshee, only to cause more laughter between the three boys. Remus being the smart one had already bolted for his life, but James and Sirius didn't seem capable of moving anywhere.

I quickly shoved on a pair of shorts, and stuffed myself into a button up shirt. But I didn't have time to button it. oh no, James and Sirius were already escaping. And I had to get them. Now.

"Urgh! You fat, ugly, stupid morons! I hate you! I hope you all _die_! _Perverts! **HARASSERS!**_ " I screeched angrily as I saw James's leg disappeared through the doorway into the common room.

Sirius was about to fall down because of laughing so hard, when I caught up to him and kneed him in the balls (ha ha ha ha)

Sirius the maniac, was still laughing , after I had bloody _kneed _him in the balls, _kneed! _

"stop…it…you…killing…me" said Sirius as rolled around on the floor laughing

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH" I yelled in fustrration, I grabbed his legs and pulled him towards the girls dormitories.

Ok there is hat chapter…..thanx to my sister, she made it better….THANX KAT


	5. Payback Time!

**I've finally updated. YAY! Any ways, this chapter kind of sucks, but meh. **

**Lalalal, READ IT NOOOWWW!**

* * *

Payback Time:

"RIGHT!" I yelled to the three hostages, (James, Sirius and Remus) "I WANT TO HEAR APOLOGIES FROM ALL OF YOU, _NOW!_"

"Sorry…" the all mumbled. Oh no, this wasn't good enough for me, I had a plan, an evil, cruel, bitchy plan. I was gonna make the morons pay for what they did by…

"Drop and give my fifty" I said evilly

"No Jemma, make them do 60" Lily said cackling and the mere thought of them doing an extra 10 pushups. Gees what a freaking loony Lily can be at times.

"60, is that all you've got?" said James in an I-am-almighty-powerful kind of voice

"Yes, 60" Amy said in a look-at-me-I'm-so-intimidating kind of voice. How dumb are my friends? It's like they have mashed potatoes for brains, except for maybe Kate.

"Ok what ever you say. But can you at least get us untied from these chairs? I _really_ don't see the point of tying us up. If it was to make you feel in control of us, you could have at least used a rope. I mean dental floss is kind of… umm, yeah. Odd." Said Remus.

Man what is wrong with people today! I'm asking, have you ever tried to snap dental floss? Well I'm sure you haven't succeeded. Point proven.

As Lily and I cut the dental floss with a knife, Kate burst into the room panting and looking scared.

"They're coming! _THEY'RE COMING!_" she said dramatically.

"Who's coming?" asked Sirius, eyes darting around the room. After this comment was made, Kate became like a crazy person. She grabbed Sirius by the collar of his shirt and bitch slapped him.

"DON'T SPEAK UNLESS SPOKEN TOO!" she said with an almighty roar. Then, she turned to us and spoke. "The bimbos in love with these three are coming to claim what was originally theirs! We must HIDE them!"

"Yes, _yes!_ For the love of God, _HIDE US!"_ James said cowering on the spot.

Seeing that they were all untied from the evil forces of the dental floss. We hauled the infamous pranksters to their feet and dragged them into the tiny wardrobe, then stuffed a complaining Lily in there in case of any attempts of escape. We then put a locking charm on the door just in time to hear the sounds of the giggling stalker bimbos as they approached.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Whose the-e-re!" yodeled Amy prancing around cleaning the room evidence.

"There are like, so many of us, let us like, come in, before we like, have to like, force an entry!" replied one of the maniacal stalker bimbos in a high giggle.

"Okay." I said simply. Knowing these girls, which I don't, they would be too dumb to look in a cupboard.

Kate looked at me as if I was crazy; I just motioned her to open the door.

"Okay, so why are you here?" asked Kate, acting like a clueless fool.

"Now like listen here, we know you have our potential boyfriends in this room, and we want them back.. And if you don't give them to us, we will like, search the room!" Said leader bimbo as she twirled her hair.

"Search away!" Amy said, as she tried to hold back her giggles.

We all sent weird looks at each other. I mean the bimbos were searching in freaking bedside tables and under covers, how dumb could a 16 year old girl be?"

Just as the bimbos were giving up hope, a loud scream was heard from the tiny wardrobe.

"JAMES POTTER GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM THERE!" yelled Lily angrily. You could just picture her face, all tellitubbie looking and stuff. What? Tellitubies are the stuff of nightmares.

There was a silence. And then a "whoopsie" from Lily.

Giggling emerged from the SB's (Stalker Bimbos).

"Like OH MY _GAWD!_ They're in the cupboard, how dumb of us not to look!" said SB # 1, bouncing up and down like a…bimbo.

All the SB's looked at eachother, and then ran to the wardrobe.

"Alohamora" yelled one of them. It was probably one of the only spells they new.

Out tumbled 3 boys and 1 girl, the marauders looked absolutely frightened, and Lily looked absolutely something. This gave me an idea.

I walked over to Kate and asked her what the shortest SB's name was.

"Her name is Cadence." She replied looking slightly confused.

I watched the SB's smother the boys and at just the right moment I yelled out. "Hey Cadence, I've heard James has taken a liking to you, I think he should take you out, don't you?"

Her eyes lit up with joy and she started to giggles like a ferret (do ferrets giggle?), James on the other hand looked like he just stepped in squishy poo, with a bare foot.

"Is that true Jamsie wamsie?" asked cadence twirling her hair and giggling like a chipmunk.

"Um..er…hmm" was all James could reply, man I never thought I'd say this, but I felt really bad. This Cadence chick was worse than the freaking dark lord.

"He did, but now he's going out with me" Lily said quickly. WHAT? Oh no what's happening? HELL HAS FROZEN OVER!

"WHAT?" screeched Sirius, his eyes popping out of his head.

"What? But… but, that means you don't like _me_. Waaaaa!" cried Cadence.

"I'm sorry Cadence, but I'm pretty sure I heard Sirius thinks you're pretty hot" said Remus innocently. Man he was good.

Again Sirius's eyes popped out, as he stood up and ran out of the room. Cadence following him.

"Come back here my puppy doggy woggy!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

The rest of the Bimbos stood up, grabbed Remus and excited the room.

"Lily, are you feeling alright?" asked Kate as she put her hand on Lily's forehead.

"She's feeling fine, now that she has me as a boyfriend" said James as walked over to Lily and slung an arm over her shoulder.

"EWW, get off me you maggot!" screeched Lily. "I just said that to save your life, AND GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM MY _BUTT_!"

"One day Lil's, one day…" James said as he exited the room looking all dazed and deluded.

"This has been the weirdest day of my life." Amy said shaking her head.

"Well I'm off to the library to do my homework, any one with me?" asked Kate.

"Yes." We all said, so we hopped down to the library our finish our homework.

**

* * *

OK then, there it was! Oh yeah I am so rude, I forget to say thank you to my two favorite reviewers (might I add probably my only reviewers)**

**Solfire: **I like you coz you review my stories, and you read them as well, here have a lollypop.

**BabeBunny: **I like you too, go you, here is a cookie, no wait 2 cookies for you!

Oh yeah, **THANK YOU KAT (aka, Saltwater) FOR BETTAING MAH STORY!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, I kinda fixed the chapter up, so READ IT FOOLS and then review, coz every time I get a review, I become happy.**

Crap.

Detention.

CRAP! I completely forgot about the detention I was given yesterday, therefore making me late for it, and therefore making me stay longer, and therefore getting me more tired, which really doesn't make sense in my situation because I am currently lying in bed unable to sleep. The reasons why, well other than the fact that I am a nocturnal insomniac; I saw some things that I never want to see again, horrid, ungodly things, things that…made me want to throw up. What are these things you wonder, well, let's start from the beginning.

I arrived to detention very late indeed 8:30 in fact half an hour late, so therefore making my detention run longer. I had to clean the hospital wing, clean the bed pans, scrub the floor, you know all that jazz. When I had finished, Madame Pomfrey senior excused me, you know blah blah blah yada yada yada, the story doesn't actually start until I exit the hospital wing. So on to exiting.

I was walking back to my dormitories, very tired and exhausted. I was walking past the portrait of Camilla the Honest when I thought I heard something, kind of like…something. I was so not bothered to care, but as I kept walking, I kept on hearing these disturbing noises. I was very curious so I followed the general direction of the noise and kept on going until I found myself in front of a broom closet door or something.

That was when it hit me, Oh my gosh, there are two people (or more) in there, together, doing god knows what. I was very panicked at this moment, what if it was two of my fellow peers, or two of my teachers, or worse, a student and a teacher. AHH! I didn't know what to do, whether to run, or to yank the door open to relive my suspicions.

After about 2 minuets of standing in front of this door, looking like a brainless moron, I decided I was ready to aloha-mora and yank the door open; in doing this, my eyes met the most horrid site in the history of my sight, in the closet was a Sirius Black, and some random blonde doing something much more X rated then snogging, if you haven't figured it out, TAKE A FAT GUESS! The look on Sirius's face was, I don't know how you'd describe it, a cross of surprise, anger, embarrassment, and of course confusion.

I, as well was confused, embarrassed and surprised. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry" was all I could say, before I slammed the door shut, and bolted to my room.

And this I am now 1 am in the morning and still not asleep, this is bad, really bad, how am I ever going to be able to look at Sirius's face again without thinking about THAT!

I feel horrible, I mean the door was locked for a reason right? But then again what kind of a retard does THAT in a closet at SCHOOL, if anything, this is his and hers fault for not thinking, but then again I didn't think about the consequences before I opened that door, I mean there was a 90 possibility of something dirty going on in there, but it was late and very few students walked around at night so they thought it ARGH to confusing, my brain is about to explode.

Lets just leave it at this. I will NEVER mention this to a living soul, not even to my best friends. It will be an unspoken of secret, that neeeever happened.

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I awoke in the morning with a painful headache, almost forgetting the previous nights events. I felt a massive tug at my heart when I remembered the mess I was in, argh, I honestly didn't want to get up from bed, and wouldn't have if it hadn't been for Kate pulling the covers off me.

As I was brushing my hair, I got an odd feeling inside of me, really, it was unexplainable, but I will put it to you this way, have you ever woken up and felt really sad and over pressured for absolutely no reason, well, that was exactly how I felt, and just as I finished brushing my hair, I broke down into tears, yup, full on crying for no reason at all.

Apparently I must have sounded like a dying chimpanzee because after about 5 seconds of wailing, I was surrounded by 2 of the three amigos.

"Jem, honey what wrong" asked Lily softly while pulling my hair out of my face and tying it in a loose bun.

I just looked at her, and started crying even harder, what the hell is wrong with me? Wait I know, I'm a complete retard spaz.

I could see the look Kate was giving Lily, it was kind of like, why, what, huh, when, what's happening? While placing her arm around my shoulder. And then Lily returning a look of loss and confusion. Not only am I confusing myself, I'm confusing my best friends as well, I'm a horrible person!

"Lily, I'm going to go get Amy, ok" said Kate softly while removing her arm from around my shoulder.

Before I could blink, Kate returned with Amy. There was a whole lot of "what is wrong, "what happened" and "can you tell us?" questions, but I just shook them off, and told them I was fine, which I wasn't hence the fact that I was crying, even though I was completely at loss of why I was crying.

"Guys we should get ready, breakfast, and then class" I said while standing up and wiping my eyes.

"Um, Jemma, it's Saturday…" Amy said slowy.

I have officially gone insane.

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